In 1983 I said to my wife: “We are not enjoying the world or the Christian life. We do both half-heartedly. Let us must make a decision now. We must either wholeheartedly do everything the Bible says, or, if we are not willing, we will throw all our Bibles and everything about it in the dustbin and live just as we like and know we are then going to hell.” Well, by God’s grace we chose the Bible.
Then serious problems began. I could not find or live what the Bible says despite every possible human effort. I fasted and prayed, repented, confessed, made restitution, reckoned myself dead to sin, etc. but I found myself in Romans 7. I always found evil in and with me in whatever I did and tried. I also cried like Paul, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” He found deliverance through Jesus Christ for he managed to live according to the Spirit and no more according to the flesh and was set free from sin and the flesh. He could fulfil the righteous commands of the law.
I believed in the Deliverer who would deliver His people from their sins and who was manifested to destroy the works of the devil, I took my cross and followed the crucified Messiah – but deliverance from sin, self and the world would not come for me. His blood was supposed to wash me from all my sins, make my sin stop, make me righteous, make me holy, make my clothes white, give me victory over Satan, and His wounds were supposed to heal me, etc. - but it did not happen in me and I could not understood why not.
He created the universe and mighty sun and raised rotten Lazarus with a word. He could surely and easily cleanse my heart and set me free from all sin and make me holy – but why does it not happen?
After 14 years of agony, one day in 1997 I once again read 1Pet. 2:24 and stood for the thousandth time (in my mind) at the cross of Jesus and looked and looked at His terrible wounds and crushed body and wondered why I do not experience what the Bible says. Peter said: “He Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we may die to sins and live onto righteousness; by His wounds you were healed.” Why can I not die to sin and live right? Why does His blood not cleanse me from all sin and give me victory over Satan? Why do His wounds not heal me from my leprosy of sin? Why am I still going astray?
Suddenly He "spoke" to me and revealed to me that I am the one crucifying, piercing and crushing Him - with every sin. Every sin is extremely painful to Him and it breaks His heart and quenches and grieves His Holy Spirit. When I rather listen to Satan and self than to Him, the Holy One, His heart is crushed. Whenever I break His Word, I break Him because His word became flesh. What I did to the least, I did to Him. I was utterly shocked and realized I was damned and doomed for He was martyred, mutilated and crushed beyond recognition – BY ME – through each of my sins over several decades! Every sin had made a fatal wound in His loving heart. That is why the wages of sin is death and why we will not see Him without holiness. And whilst I hurt Him like this, He spared my life and still fed and blessed me!! O my guilt and evil reached the heavens!
I cried out for mercy and forgiveness – but more now than ever for cleansing and deliverance from sin so that sin may stop and that I may live holy and righteous and sin no more - and that I may wound Him no more. In view of the Messiah crucified by my sins, sins are now totally inexcusable. Sin is now absolutely condemned in the flesh. “O Jesus, how can I be totally cleansed and sanctified that I may pierce and crush You no more with my sins?” I cried.
He led me to Zachariah 12:10 – 13:3 and I saw what I must do. If I now, in obedience to the pleading of the Holy Spirit, look up to Him whom I have pierced with every sin and mourn bitterly for Him and confess what each sin has done to Him and repent, He will forgive me for that, AND He will then open that fountain of His blood to wash and cleanse me from all my sins and unrighteousness. So He will drive out the idols, false prophets and unclean spirits from my heart. If I so confess the wounds I have made with each sin – His wounds will heal me from the sickness and incurable leprosy of sin!! So He will make me holy and righteous; then the weakest will become like David who killed Goliath with a small stone and David will be like God! Then we can live the life of Jesus!
And I confessed and repented with deep mourning and bitterness and for the first time I truly experienced God-given forgiveness and deliverance from sin. I was forgiven hundreds and thousands of terrible wounds and He washed me with the blood I confessed. Now I love Him much for I have been forgiven very very much and because I was set free from many things no human effort could ever remove from my heart and mind. I knew I can and may never do the things I used to do.
And it is now 14 years since He revealed it to me and He has ultimately really done what He promised – through the blood of the Lamb slain by my sins – just as it says in Revelations. All God’s wonderful words and promises became true. “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and blessing.” “Blessing and honour and glory and power be to Him sitting on the throne, and to the Lamb forever and ever” because He “loved us and washed / freed / delivered / cleansed us from our sins in His own blood.”!! He has indeed revived me from my body of death.
Friend, your sins are also piercing and crushing Jesus’s holy and loving heart and his heart is truly broken and bleeding because of your sin. Your sins grieve and quench His Holy Spirit. You deserve eternity in hell for it. Admit it, confess it, repent deeply, let it break your heart; mourn bitterly for what you have done to Him over all these years. Do it with every single sin and He promised He will forgive you for all the terrible wounds you inflicted on Him. He will even use that blood to wash you clean from your filth and those wounds to cure you! Oh, His profound mercy. From then on, love Him much because you have been forgiven much and do not allow anything at all that may pierce His loving heart ever again. Follow the Lamb slain by you and be willing to bleed for Him because He has bled through you. Then you will also be revived.
Without the remorseful admission and confession that you have shed the Messiahs blood with every sin, there is no forgiveness or deliverance from that sin. According to Jesus’ words, those who deny that they are guilty of all the righteous blood ever shed on earth, from the blood of the righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah killed in their churches, even to the blood of Jesus, are thereby witnesses and proving against themselves that they are the sons of those who murdered the prophets. Because they do not confess that they shed Jesus’ blood with every sin and on top of that they blame God falsely for punishing Jesus in their place for their sins, there is no forgiveness for or deliverance from those sins for them… For these words I also have been and will be killed by many of you and so you will again give witness against yourself that you are indeed murderers of Jesus and all the prophets who spoke these things.
SELA (pause and think). AMEN (so be it)
Suddenly He "spoke" to me and revealed to me that I am the one crucifying, piercing and crushing Him - with every sin. Every sin is extremely painful to Him and it breaks His heart and quenches and grieves His Holy Spirit. When I rather listen to Satan and self than to Him, the Holy One, His heart is crushed. Whenever I break His Word, I break Him because His word became flesh. What I did to the least, I did to Him. I was utterly shocked and realized I was damned and doomed for He was martyred, mutilated and crushed beyond recognition – BY ME – through each of my sins over several decades! Every sin had made a fatal wound in His loving heart. That is why the wages of sin is death and why we will not see Him without holiness. And whilst I hurt Him like this, He spared my life and still fed and blessed me!! O my guilt and evil reached the heavens!
I cried out for mercy and forgiveness – but more now than ever for cleansing and deliverance from sin so that sin may stop and that I may live holy and righteous and sin no more - and that I may wound Him no more. In view of the Messiah crucified by my sins, sins are now totally inexcusable. Sin is now absolutely condemned in the flesh. “O Jesus, how can I be totally cleansed and sanctified that I may pierce and crush You no more with my sins?” I cried.
He led me to Zachariah 12:10 – 13:3 and I saw what I must do. If I now, in obedience to the pleading of the Holy Spirit, look up to Him whom I have pierced with every sin and mourn bitterly for Him and confess what each sin has done to Him and repent, He will forgive me for that, AND He will then open that fountain of His blood to wash and cleanse me from all my sins and unrighteousness. So He will drive out the idols, false prophets and unclean spirits from my heart. If I so confess the wounds I have made with each sin – His wounds will heal me from the sickness and incurable leprosy of sin!! So He will make me holy and righteous; then the weakest will become like David who killed Goliath with a small stone and David will be like God! Then we can live the life of Jesus!
And I confessed and repented with deep mourning and bitterness and for the first time I truly experienced God-given forgiveness and deliverance from sin. I was forgiven hundreds and thousands of terrible wounds and He washed me with the blood I confessed. Now I love Him much for I have been forgiven very very much and because I was set free from many things no human effort could ever remove from my heart and mind. I knew I can and may never do the things I used to do.
And it is now 14 years since He revealed it to me and He has ultimately really done what He promised – through the blood of the Lamb slain by my sins – just as it says in Revelations. All God’s wonderful words and promises became true. “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and blessing.” “Blessing and honour and glory and power be to Him sitting on the throne, and to the Lamb forever and ever” because He “loved us and washed / freed / delivered / cleansed us from our sins in His own blood.”!! He has indeed revived me from my body of death.
Friend, your sins are also piercing and crushing Jesus’s holy and loving heart and his heart is truly broken and bleeding because of your sin. Your sins grieve and quench His Holy Spirit. You deserve eternity in hell for it. Admit it, confess it, repent deeply, let it break your heart; mourn bitterly for what you have done to Him over all these years. Do it with every single sin and He promised He will forgive you for all the terrible wounds you inflicted on Him. He will even use that blood to wash you clean from your filth and those wounds to cure you! Oh, His profound mercy. From then on, love Him much because you have been forgiven much and do not allow anything at all that may pierce His loving heart ever again. Follow the Lamb slain by you and be willing to bleed for Him because He has bled through you. Then you will also be revived.
Without the remorseful admission and confession that you have shed the Messiahs blood with every sin, there is no forgiveness or deliverance from that sin. According to Jesus’ words, those who deny that they are guilty of all the righteous blood ever shed on earth, from the blood of the righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah killed in their churches, even to the blood of Jesus, are thereby witnesses and proving against themselves that they are the sons of those who murdered the prophets. Because they do not confess that they shed Jesus’ blood with every sin and on top of that they blame God falsely for punishing Jesus in their place for their sins, there is no forgiveness for or deliverance from those sins for them… For these words I also have been and will be killed by many of you and so you will again give witness against yourself that you are indeed murderers of Jesus and all the prophets who spoke these things.
SELA (pause and think). AMEN (so be it)
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